Moving day

Well I realized yesterday eating lunch with Angie and April that I have not told many people that I am moving out of my place.  Recently Bill (current roommate) told me that he is going to be moving in with some guys from seminary and so he is going to be out by the end of the month.  This is both good and bad news.  Bill and I got along great no problems with him as a roommate but I have hated my house for awhile now.  First reason is that it's too small, not really to live in I mean in some ways it was kinda nice, not much to clean up and  the rent was super cheap, but the part that really sucked is that it was not a house that anybody wanted to come over too.  Because it's not a house to really hang out in and because people thought they were going to get shot. Both valid points so I can't hold that against them.  So with that to say I have been trying to figure out how to get into something else go somewhere else anything than live where I was.  But I can't afford to live on my own so here I am. It looks like I am going to be renting a room from a friend of mine (Kruger, Matt not Freddy) who has a pretty good size house in Blue Springs but it might only be for a few months because he is thinking about selling that place and getting something smaller. At least it will give me some extra time to try and figure out what all I am going to do. I would really love to stay around KC. I love living in the city.  The plaza is a place I actually go to not just a place I visit like I did when I was in Blue Springs.  Plus being in the city is great because you meet creative people and it's like candy for a creative person.  It's amazing how much energy begins to develop when you are in a creative atmosphere.  You don't even have to be working on the same stuff or even be in the same field but just talking and learning from other people that create just continues the ball rolling.  So here is where I am stuck.  First, I really need a roommate for financial reasons, I just can't afford to do it on my own. Secondly,  I am picky about not just wanting to room with just anybody, I have had great luck with roommates in the past and I don't want a bad one now.  Thirdly, I currently have no one that I can think of that would be willing to get a place that I want to get a place with.  All my friends that I can think of that I would want to get a place with are either married or already in a roommate situation.  So if anybody has heard of a cheap place, a basement room that I could live in or a possible roommate or better yet a really really hot rich sugar momma that I can marry and not have to worry about any of it.......drop me a line.

My problem

You know when I first signed up for this thing I thought this is going to be great I can write stuff down and talk with friends about witty and interesting topics.  Then I found out I absolutely suck at this stuff.  Here in lies "my problem". I have a pretty good ability of being able to deal with things on my own.  I don't let too many things get to me.  Sometimes in my life especially if I start getting tired or if it's something that I have less control over I have a much harder time dealing with stuff.  I was really made aware of this recently with relationship with April.  Which just to catch you all up to speed we are not together.  But the last few weeks before we called it quits I had a real hard time dealing with the situation at hand.  I just felt like I had no control over myself I didn't know what she was thinking and it was killing me because there was a problem I couldn't do anything about it.  I think the main reason is the fact that I have never been someone to REALLY talk about things.  I will say it's not the subject matter I love to help people with their problems I am a fantastic listener. I just have a problem reciprocating when it was my turn to open up.  I don't really know exactly why that is.  Sure I could get all Feudian with it and say it's because my parents got divorced and my Dad told me he was gay at a very critical point in my life and it's been hard for me to open up to anybody.  I know that I have a problem with wanting to be excepted because of my insecurities as a person and so I try and make everybody laugh and I know that it's hard to venerable for anybody.  At the same time I long for someone to WANT to know me.  Someone who is interested in why it is I do what I do. but it's hard for other people to do that when I am do not put myself out there emotionally and empathize and sympathize with people.  If I open myself to them than people will open up to me.  Man that is tuff. It really sucks that Bob my best friend since 3rd grade is gone off to the NAVY.  One of only a couple people I feel truly comfortable talking too without any regards to my vulnerability. And we even had troubles sometimes.   I am really trying to be a better friend to my friends in showing them that I want them to about me as much as I want to know about them. 

This blog is really for me more than it is for anybody else. I just needed to purge my emotions and reach some sort of  spirit cleansing catharsis and try and start  a new .  Thanks for reading I promise to be funnier next time.......but not at the expense of myself.

Gutsy Faith (Vol. 2)

I am supposed to pose this question in our blogs.  It's a question that's been asked a thousand times and answered a million ways but let's see what the people say and please be creative.  Stretch your mind, think deep show me what you got.

"If God is a compassionate and loving God, and he has the ability to prevent certain tragedies from occurring, why does he allow that to happen?" 

Gutsy Faith (Vol. 1)

In our last meeting we talked about having faith to move mountains and whether that meant figurative mountains in our life or if God really gives us the ability to move physical mountains. My personal thought is that God gives us the power to do everything if we ask in his name. So if that means move mountains than by all means he will grant us the power to move mountains. Now in this weeks readings that we are doing it starts to talk about what it means to ask something in someone's name. Jeff (author) talks about how in today's society especially in America we are more used to name dropping than of asking things in someone's name. We don't ask for things for other people using there name we use there name to get something for us. So how do we know when we are truly doing something in God's will or whether we are just asking something for ourselves. Sometimes we may feel as though we are doing something for God but if we were truly honest about it we would probably realize that we are just putting in our godly duty time making sure we are doing something so we don't get accused of doing nothing. We may have good intentions but we still want the recognition or the congrats when we shouldn't be striving for that at all.

One of the guys in our group gave this great analogy about striving for the will of God that I think put things into perspective pretty well. He was talking about how when he was in college he had dreams of doing this and becoming that and that he still has those goals but now that he is married his goals has shifted and that part of his dreams now are to see that his wife's dreams are realized. He doesn't see it as sacrificing his original goals to meet some of hers he sees it as fulfilling his new dreams which include making sure his wife reaches her goals. I thought that this was a beautiful picture of how my relationship with God is supposed to go. When I am connected with God on a daily basis through prayer my will and his will should start to coincide and it shouldn't have feel like I am sacrificing to please God but it should be fulfilling because my dreams and God's dreams coincide. And God wants us to dream and wants us to reach our dreams and those are God's dreams.

Gutsy Faith (an Introduction)

(trumpet sounds)

Ladies and Gentleman

OK So here's the deal I am in this really cool focus group at work going through this new book called Gutsy Faith: Hard Conversations with God by Jeff Edmondson. Part of the focus group is to get on our e-mails and our blogs and ask our friends to join us on this 6 week journey.  I will post weekly something that has challenged me in the week or something I am struggling to understand or a myriad of other thought provoking spiritual questions that pop up in my head. So I will title them Gutsy Faith so you know to come over as soon as you can and add your little spritual nuggets of knowledge.  So if you would your first challenge is to join me in prayer about this time together over the next few weeks and then come over to my page and post post post.